After Hours

10 Worst College Towns

Posted in After Hours, Campus Living, College Life on 1/25/12 by .

So many colleges students think that they live in the ultimate “college town.”  According to the Huffington Post, it is now safe to say that if you go to school at any of the following colleges, you’re probably visiting your friends at other schools on the weekends.

Before getting to the list, I must add that I did not go to school in a “college town,” by any stretch of the imagination.  Bridgewater State University, on the South Shore of Massachusetts, is the epitome of not a college town.  My first two years there were pretty solid and stacked with plenty of partying opportunities, but thank God my friends and I all started turning 21 and going to Bogarts and Broad Street because those Bridgewater cops hated the possibility of anyone having an ounce of fun.  I hear the place pretty much sucks now, and should be on this list, but I digress…

On to the list of “Suckiest College Town Colleges”

1. Tuskegee University–Tuskegee, AL

2. Wabash College–Crawfordsbille, IN

3. US Coast Guard Academy–New London, CT

4. Hofstra University–Hempstead, BY

5. University of Notre Dame–Notre Dame, IN

6. Wheaton College–Norton, MA

7. New Jersey Institute of Technology–Newark, NJ

8.  Bates College–Lewiston, ME

9. Albion College–Albion, MI

10. Ohio Northern University–Ada, OH

If you go to any of these schools and do not believe that your college deserves to be on such a disgraceful list, we want to hear from you!  Better yet, if you agree with these accusations, we want to see some good old “not-so-college-town” bashing!  Let us know.

 

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Warning: there’s no sex here

Posted in After Hours on 2/17/11 by .

Get funky outside of the bedroom, just not in these places.Sometimes hooking up in random places can be very exciting for couples, especially when the relationship begins to settle and the sex life needs a little spice.

It’s not all fun and games, however. There are definitely some places that should be avoided when experimenting with location.

This should be fairly obvious, but don’t do it in your roommate’s bed! Not only is it gross, but if they ever found out, they’d probably feel disgusted. If it happens…clean the sheets, please. It’s just common courtesy, people.

Staying in the dormitory, the stairs and shower are also off-limits. If anyone hears moaning, they’re going to be annoyed because they’re not getting laid. And chances are, those showers aren’t the cleanest…there’s a reason most dorm dwellers wear shower sandals. Plus there’s no space to really move around… expect plenty of bruises and sore elbows.

What about the classroom or study lounge, you ask? Please. Pleaseeee! Don’t do it… you’ll end up giggling when you see someone sit at the desk where you did it and everyone will notice. Then they’ll think you’re a ho, which is just the pits.

Sex in the library is always everyone’s fantasy but where’s the fun if you can’t be loud? We suppose the excitement of trying to keep it down is alright, but really? Also, college libraries are patrolled now because so many students try to steal books or deface property. Thanks, assholes… way to ruin it for all the horndogs out there.

Similarly, having sex in the college stadium might seem like a good idea, but those benches are not comfortable at all. We suppose there’s the middle of the field, but like…grass stains, hello!

Nicknamed the “Nosh n’ Nookie,” hooking up at a fast food establishment is also not a bright idea. Those bathrooms are not very clean and we’re pretty sure you’d get caught. On the other hand, the idea of eating a Big Mac and then gettin’ it on is oddly arousing.

Oof. Anyone reading this who can attest to the Alleyway hook up knows it’s not the way to go. It’s cold, grimy and usually these roadways are covered in vomit, especially if you live in the city. When it’s over, “not only did you lose your keys, your panties, and your [buffalo wings], but also the little dignity you had left,” says Samantha Shaughnessy of The Black Sheep Online. Again, this is also a place you can get caught… or mugged.

The backseat of a car is cute, but we don’t live in the musical “Grease” or any 70′s high school flick. Also, someone’s eventually going to end up doing “The Leo” and wipe their hand on the steamed up window. Awkward… your date will not think it’s cute.

And for the record, having sex in the middle of parking lot at a preschool at 10:00 p.m. is also not OK. It is almost a surefire way of getting arrested. Trust us.

So where ARE good places to hook up? What about a boat? No water nearby? How about a tent in the woods?

There’s always hotel rooms, cottages in the woods, your parent’s house, their parent’s house, the dog house (after you get caught doing the nasty in McDonald’s. Gross), a nightclub VIP lounge, and oh, alright. The backseat idea isn’t that bad, really.

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There’s a new website… and it knows who you’re sleeping with

Posted in After Hours on 2/7/11 by .

Just in case you needed a reminder about those horrible one-night stands that happen at least twice a year, there is now a website to help you feel even worse about yourself.

Yup, “nOOkist” (nice touch with the double “o,” pervs.), a new social networking site that already has 20,000 members, gives users “the ability to quickly glance at your sexual history… provid[ing] as much information as possible so that you can make an accurate and sound judgement pertaining to your sex life,” reports ThoughtCatalog. “All of the statistics are in real-time, and represent your sexual activity.”

We weren’t quite sure exactly how it worked, so yes, we made an account to see how it would go down.

Essentially, after you make an account with a username and password (e-mail confirmation is required) you click “add an entry” and fill out the online form. It’s in-depth too.

Here is what’s asked… what’s required with a “*”. And how awful it made us feel… we used an example from the past (one whom we have yet to contact ever since – despite having his number).

First Name: (entered, but left out for the protection of our unfortunate “friend”) *
Last Name: (unknown… seriously. Sad emoticon.)

Birthday (June 6, 1987…we totally made this up)*
Gender: (Male)
Virgin: (Unknown… but maybe? Hope not!)
Bisexual: (Unknown…probably not)
Spouse: (Unknown… but no)

Location information – (Cambridge, MA, USA)*

Now, if you aren’t sure about that information above, such as not knowing where it happened, that’s ok, because that’s not really what “nOOkist” cares about.

It’s time for the actual session interview! Good grief, this section was horrible, and we’re pretty sure we didn’t even tell our friends this much detail.

Unprotected: (No)*
Orgasm: (No…blahhhhh)*
Intensity: (on a scale of 1-10, 5)
Length (5 mins. Seriously… like REALLY?!)
Threesome: (link entry here! No thanks.)
Session Note: it sucked. And we still don’t know his last name. Cute, though.
Position: (the options are endless, and we’re not sharing but we did have to google a couple just to get an idea. Thanks Cosmo!)
Activity: (well, this is how it actually went down. Also has plenty of options…almost too many. “Watersports”? What is that? On second though, never mind. We don’t want to know.

Users can also enter the date and time of said hook-up and then update their contact info…presumably more for those people with whom you stay in contact with. You know, for a quickie. There’s also a racial component that allows sexual deviants to enter their partner’s ethnicity. Racist? Yup.

Oh, but the site isn’t just about the entries you file. Several graphs show off statistics such as “hourly history,” a pie chart of “session positions” and VDNote statistics. Yup, that’s right! Because so many people today have no idea that STIs are possible from a number of scenarios, “nOOkist” is making charts for us to understand how risky our behavior is.

In a way, this is a smart thing. However, the manner in which it is approached is absolutely ridiculous! The site isn’t serious enough to really be trusted, and you should be aware of your sexual health without having to look at a fucking chart.

Hopefully, people will eventually take the website seriously (first step? Change the name!) because it has a lot of potential.

For now, however, we’re going to stick with the rule of threes: 3 condoms (not at the same time, just always on hand), 3 month check-ups and never more than a threesome. Ha, we jest… on the last part, at least.

So if you can remember everyone you’ve ever slept with, maybe it’s worth taking some time to use “nOOkist,” but we can’t, so…. there goes that plan!

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How are you keeping warm this winter?

Posted in After Hours on 11/29/10 by .

Brad and Angelina turn up the heat in 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith.'With winter fast approaching, it’s important to stay warm during those cold nights inside the dorm when there is studying to do.

However, as most students need breaks, we’ve come up with a fascinating way to get hot without leaving your room. No, we’re not talking about exercise (although that may be a result of our suggestions), just sexy movies!

There’s nothing better than watching a steamy flick with a new beau or even some friends (for laughs) to warm up the soul and body.

In our usual fashion we’ve come up with some of the best titles and why they heat us up without spoiling too much.

Caution: these films are extremely sexy. Watching them can lead to procrastination, overheating, delusions and injury resulting from bedroom games. On the opposite side of the spectrum, the movies can have you in heat for days just by remembering some of the scenes shown on-screen.

Because we love you so much, we’ve also added a system that will gauge just how hot the movie is.

Romantic

These are usually the best real movies as life and plot development replace T&A. Warms your heart, but not so much your loins.

Sultry

No sex, but slit dresses, bare chests and eye-fucking are their own characters.

Sizzling

Sex involved here, but no nudity. Maybe a bare back or two and lots of kissing shown but the goods are left to your imagination.

Sexy

Self-explanatory, right? All-around sexiness means the movie doesn’t revolve around the act itself but you can expect lots of tension, dirty talk and maybe a peek or two at the backside.

Smoking

Romps abound here and you’re lucky if there’s a real plot line that is easily followed. Expect booty, boobs and Barry White to accompany you during the viewing.

Fire Alarm

If these weren’t real actors, it’d probably be classified as porn, but it’s not, so no one can judge you.

’9 1/2 Weeks’ starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke (before he went mental) is a solid film about a wall street financier who woos a recently divorced art gallery worker. Even Oprah listed it on her sexiest films list and said “serious foreplay involving a jar of honey – will assure you never look at your refrigerator the same again.” (Smoking)

‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’ is definitely one for the girls. Starring Matt Damon and Jude Law with a serious gay undertone, these two men scheme, flirt and vacation in the Italian Riveria. Set in the 1960s with period appropriate bathing suits. Anyone up for a game of chess? (Sexy)

‘Basic Instinct’ is famous for Sharon Stone’s interrogation scene but its Michael Douglas and his girlfriends bizarre sex scene that really had us going. Violence and sex has never looked so good. (Fire Alarm)

‘Cruel Intentions’ isn’t really as good as everyone claims it is, but Ryan Philippe’s game of seduction with Reese Witherspoon was enough to fool her in real life. We fell for it too. Just as sexy is Sarah Michele Gellar’s tongue tag with Selma Blair which became the stuff of legend and won an MTV Movie Award for best on-screen kiss. (Sizzling)

‘The Notebook’ sure is cheesy but a tender moment between Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in an old house is worth the tears and fluff. This is perfect for friends looking for a little magic but boyfriends will leave if you make them watch. (Romantic)

We hate ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’ because of what it did to Brad and Jen (Team Aniston!) but holy crap what a hot flick. From Jolie’s dominatrix assassin costume to what is arguably the sexiest reconciliation ever filmed, the Smiths are definitely worth the watch. The best part is there’s enough sexiness to go around for both genders. (Sizzling)

Tom Cruise might be a crazy mofo today, but in the early 80s, in ‘Risky Business,’ he was one of the sexiest newcomers to the screen since Marlon Brando burst onto the scene in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire.’ Cruise plays a high school senior who chooses to call a hooker when his parents go away for the weekend. We dare you to go on the subway after. (Smoking)

‘Y Tu Mamá También’ is a road trip and a sex romp rolled into one but this isn’t an American high school “let’s try to get laid” thing, this is passion at its finest. The ending is a bit abrupt but the climax is what really matters, in both senses of the word. (Fire Alarm)

Barbara Streisand isn’t really what comes to mind when people say the word “sexy,” but her chemistry with hunk of a man Robert Redford made “The Way We Were” one of the most passionate movies ever. You’ll need a fan to cool down and some tissues for after. (Sexy)

During the 60s and 70s, there was Jane Fonda and Raquel Welch, but not many actresses were chosen for their brawn and acting ability over good looks. Ah, but then there was Faye Dunaway, both a beautiful person and an outstanding actress. In ‘Chinatown,’ Dunaway plays a married woman who hires a detective (played by a sexy Jack Nicholson) to catch her husband cheating. The plot turns into a murder mystery that is amazing and profound, but it’s the two lead characters chemistry that really make this film so hot. (Sultry… never looked so good)

These are just a few of the movie industry’s sexiest films. Almost anywhere you turn today, movies are advertised through sex and passion, but are oftentimes misleading. Avoid those teenage sex comedies, anything with the word “sex” in the title, and stories based on fact because those sex scenes are always a let down (we’re looking at you Alexander and Troy!)

So pour a glass of red wine, dim the lights and have a cuddle sesh under the blanket in front of a TV as these sexy films keep you warm for the winter.

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Listen up college kids, Andrea Peyser is PISSED.

Posted in After Hours on 11/16/10 by .

GET OFF YOUR PHONE! You're missing out on the quintessential college experience. Who is this Andrea, you might ask? Excellent question, but to be honest we're not really sure. Andrea Peyser is apparently some sort of New York Post columnist who wrote a book called Celebutards and hates gay people. Really, celebutards? Is that even a word?

In addition to fearing the LGBT community, the liberal-hating "sex cheerleader," according to Gawker, now worries that college students at Columbia University aren't getting enough. And by "getting enough," we mean gettin' some.

Peyser, who apparently likes to walk around the Morningside Heights campus stalking her prey, was shocked to find many of the students completely ignoring strangers. Why? Their smart phones, of course! It appears that instead of looking around, they look down, passing potential bed fellows by in favor of a world where talking is not necessary, and apparently, neither is sex. Shame.

While we hate her morals, she does have a point. Are people so into their phones today that they can't spot a hottie across the quad and skip class just to talk to them? It's how we survived the winters!

Apparently, other students feel she has a valid point about this discovery as well. Resident advisors have launched "The Social Experiment," a scavenger hunt (OMG! Love it.) type game where people walk around campus with passwords. We're hoping the passwords are words like "G-spot" and "uncut" but we doubt it. Too far? Maybe, but we don't care. It's college, baby!

This is an amazing idea for all resident advisors to try, so pay attention!

As people walk around with passwords, students must go up to strangers and ask if they have one. If they do, the student gets a password (yay!). If not, the student potentially makes a friend… or more (yay!). It's a win-win, people.

The person with the most password wins $500! Not such a bad deal for people who can handle putting their phone down.

While Peyser's worry about the lack of sexual activity on campus is valid (and one that we share), this is where our opinions split. She believes this plan could lead to problems. Why? Because someone else told her so.

"First of all, there's the obvious flaw that befriending someone because of financial incentives is basically the same as marrying an old, rich guy so you can cash in when he snuffs it," says Eve Binder, a senior at Yale and blogger for Ivy Gate. She also claims the game was created by "obviously Prozac-addled" advisers. Uhhhhh, some one clearly can't handle meeting new people. Either that, or they can't live five seconds without their smart phone. Eve, dear, it's not all about you.

Plus, girl's gotta eat, you know?

Some students at Columbia say the pressure to do well at school has led to the lack in social energy. Maybe this is true, but how do we fix it? Surely, some scavenger hunt won't make students realize how much they're missing.

Take Emma, for example. When asked what she thought about the program she said, "I think what they're trying to fix is something that is not necessarily bad." Ugh.

While some people enjoy their studies a bit too much, we find this sentiment to be plain disturbing. I mean, who goes to college NOT to have sexual triumphs and embarrassments?! It's a rite of passage. You get drunk, make out with hot people then wake up the next morning and feel shame, choosing to take a long shower scrubbing off said shame instead of studying.

Otherwise, what is the point of spring break, library cubicles, dorm rooms with sound proof doors and coed bathrooms?

Oh by the way, November 18th is "Have Sex With a Guy With A Mustache" day… just sayin'. 

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Facebook knows when you’re going to be single

Posted in After Hours, Campus Life, News on 11/4/10 by .

Facebook knows the most popular times in the year for break-ups.Thanks to unflattering photos, constant invites to join Farmville and Mafia Wars and relatives asking to be your friend, Facebook can be a scary place some times.

It seems, however, that Facebook is now analyzing relationships and confirming many fears that the social networking site is attempting to become an all-knowing genius with a plot to rule the world!

According to a graph that uses status updates throughout the year, Facebook now knows when you’ll get dumped.

CNN reports British Journalist David McCandless created the chart, which compiled information from 10,000 updates using phrases like “breakup” and “broken up.”

There are already so many things wrong with this. For one thing, it’s creepy. Why is this man keeping track of all these relationships? What is so important about knowing when people are going to break up?

While we’re still not quite sure why this man is stalking thousands of Facebook profiles, some interesting patterns have risen, and it certainly pertains to college students.

Two large increases in break-ups occurred the few days after Valentine’s Day (guys, that is what happens when you buy a shitty gift!) and the week leading up to spring break (girls, this is what happens when he tells you that it may be best if he goes to Cancun “with just the boys”?.

Valentine’s Day is a treacherous holiday where relationships get defined by Hallmark cards and M&M commercials. One mis-step and everything explodes, making the day a complete waste of time and money. These things are preventable, however, by stating your expectations for the evening’s activities.

Oh, spring break, your debauchery knows no bounds, does it? No only do break-ups happen most often the week before the party, they happen a lot afterwards. Drunken hook-ups always happen during spring break, and while we don’t approve, we understand the ability to “forget” you’re in a relationship when on vacation, surrounded by beautiful people.

Another big time for break-ups, according to the graph, is Christmas. As partners price their gifts, things get dicey and lead to arguments, debauchery and general malcontent, according to CNN.

The news site also said Mondays (“as if they weren’t bad enough”) have the highest concentration of break-ups. The summer and fall seasons seem to have the least amount of break-ups.

Possibly the funniest statistic found in the graph, however, is beautifully summarized by CNN. “And, possibly showing that some people’s sense of humor is more twisted than others, there’s a spike in breakups on April Fool’s Day.”

In all, break-ups we think are specific to each relationship, but we can see where some of these trend makes sense.

Still, the graph is creepy, yes?

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A guide to pick up lines that work and the ones that don’t

Posted in After Hours, Humor on 10/28/10 by .

Use one of your new pick up lines on this lady drinking her blues away and she might cheer up. Earlier this week, we discussed the best places to meet people during your spring break vacation.

Now, we bring you the “how-to” part of our dating guide. While some might find pick-up lines cheesy, others don’t know any other way to meet girls or guys.

Our list of the best and worst pick up lines will help you start-up a sexy conversation and avoid getting a $5 martini (or margarita) thrown in your face. We’d like to thank pickuplinesgalore.com for their helpful suggestions.

Good

“Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.” Not only is this clever, it’s flattering. Try this one and if they laugh you’re golden. If not, move on to the next person you find attractive.

“Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!” This pick-up line could be dangerous, you don’t want to suggest anything is wrong with being sexy, but normally it’s a good pick for someone a little desperate and plenty horny.

“Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I’m lost at sea.” Romantic and sweet, this one is perfect for both genders. Girls will feel paid attention to while guys will just blush at the compliment.

“Let’s make like a fabric softener and ‘Snuggle’” might be the most adorable pick up line we’ve heard in a while. Save it for the end of the night when you know things are going well and just remember to take things at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you.

“If it weren’t for that DAMNED sun, you’d be the hottest thing ever created.” Hahahahahahaha, ba-dum pshhhhhhh!

“Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” Not only does this offer a compliment, it starts a conversation that won’t feel forced. Everyone does something for a living, even if you are only a student.

Bad

“My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” This is a very, very bad idea. Not only are you announcing that you have bathroom problems, but you also claim “love” at first sight. They’ll be out the door before you can even finish your sentence.

“Your daddy must have been a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns.” While the intent here is great (and delicious?), do not mention parents or other people, really. No one ever knows who has Daddy issues until the “D” word comes out. Also, buns? Really? Just no.

“You be the Dairy Queen and I’ll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.” Fast food is never the way to someone’s heart. It’s cheap and not very nutrious.They’re response will probably go like this: “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?! [What? oh, no! I just....] YOU WERE! YOU WERE CALLING ME FAT!” Cue: drink in face.

“Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] ‘Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!” Hmmm, while it may be fun to say “rock me like a hurricane,” Katrina and pick up lines do(space)not make a match in heaven. Plus that song is like 30 years old, now.

“Wow! Are those real?” Oh my, isn’t that just a bit too direct.

“Fuck me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Laura?” There are many things wrong with this sentence. One, you’re flat-out asking for sex. Two, this could make you look like a massive ho. Three,what if her name is Laura?

We’re sure you can think of others, but these are some prime examples along with the rules on what’s hot to say and what’s not.

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Five Places to Find a Hot Date While on Spring Break

Posted in After Hours, Things to Do on 10/27/10 by .

Making friends on the beach can lead to a date.While you might not be looking for a “date” on spring break, we think its important to know where the best places to find a special someone for the evening (or next few days) may be.

Of course we discuss the usual places, but you might be surprised by a couple we’ve added in!

First things, first. If you want to have a sloppy, drunken hook-up… go to a dance club. Booze flows freely and the music is so loud its hard to hold a conversation. This list is for people who are interested in more than just sex (well… a bit more than just sex. Everyone knows that goal of a date is basically to get laid). So if you’re looking for hanky-panky go to the clubs, but if you’re looking for a companion to have a good time with check out these five spring break haunts.

Party Boat

Everybody loves a party! Cooped up in a small space, people are sure to run into one another. Maybe take a little less care when walking and you’ll run into that stunning beauty who caught your eye on the lido deck.

Plane

Even more tightly cramped than a boat, air travel is a fun and unique way to meet strangers. Conversation starters can include telling a funny story about your last vacation, discussing fun activities in the place you’re headed or current occupation. However, funny lines work the best. Things like “can you show me to the bathroom?” or “would you like to try some of my delicious, tiny meal?” can add some humor to the situation.

Bar

Bars are the easiest places to find a date during spring break. People who are drinking usually feel more loose and eager to meet people, so there’s no telling who might strike up a conversation with you. While it’s good to keep up fun and witty conversation, avoid anything that could be considered offensive, stick to the compliments and you’ll be golden. AskMen.com suggests trying a bar that is holding an opening night party because the people you meet will be more adventurous and willing to try new things.

Beach

Skimpy clothing always helps when it comes to scoping out new dates. Talk a walk with some friends on the beach and find a group to play a round of volleyball or go swimming with. When all the friends are merging, start a meet and greet with the one you connect most with.

Poolside

Basically the same place as the beach, only throw a bar into the mix and you have a pool. Usually hotels only allow guests to enter, but that’s all for the better isn’t it? Easy access.

The best part about spring break is that you can meet anyone, anywhere, really. Just be friendly, confident and open to a little chat and things are sure to go well.

Stayed tuned for a pick-up line article for pointers on what to say to the ones you’re going after!

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A Halloween Movie Guide for College Kids

Posted in After Hours, Entertainment on 10/25/10 by .

A glass of wine and a scary movie make for an awesome girl's night.With Halloween a less than a week away, we’ve decided to share our 10 favorite movies to watch during this sugary holiday.

Watching scary movies in the dark with your friends (or just a date) and a bowl of popcorn can be a really fun adventure… or completely horrifying. When it comes to picking a movie, however, it’s hard to know what will be amazing and what isn’t (ahem, we’re looking at you, sequels). No one likes a let down, so heed our picks for the best and you’ll be sleeping with the lights on until morning. We’ve also laid out the best reasons to start watching (and stick with) the film without giving away the endings or too much of the plot line.

10. Jaws

Some people think this movie is too old to be considered scary today. Sure, the shark no longer looks realistic (trivia: the shark’s name while filming was Bruce!), but the possibility of being in the water and ripped to shreds by a marine animal still exists to this day. A suspenseful build-up while the main trio on the Orca waits for the perfect time to kill and an explosive ending make this Spielbergian nail-bitter a thrilling ride even for today’s audiences. Come for the opening death scene but stay for the shark’s final meal.

9. The Birds

This Hitchcock thriller is one of his finest. Survival is the name of the game in Bodega Bay, where Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hendren, who is beautiful and sublime as ever in this role) plays a stubborn and spoiled jet-setting girl who travels to the small town north of San Francisco to get back at the man who played a practical joke on her in the city. Things get weird however, when townies start showing up dead, obviously victims of a bird attack. As the movie progresses, viewers begin to wonder… how did these birds get so crazy and violent? Oh Hitchcock, no wonder the world is freaked out by winged creatures. Come for the bird attacks and stay for a final epic shot captured on film by the master of mystery.

8. The Ring

A videotape is killing people seven days after watching it, but no one knows how they really die. All the police know is that these poor victims look horrified postmortem. Naomi Watts plays a journalist who comes across the tape which somehow ended in her niece’s death. When her son watches it too, a race against the clock ticks down as they try to prevent their own deaths. The chase leads to some strange places including a really deep, dark well that may hold the answers to the tape. Come for the terrifying video and listen out for the phone call announcing you only have one week to live.

7. The Silence of the Lambs

Jodie Foster plays a FBI agent who tries to track down a serial killer using the help of one freaky Hannibal Lector. Oh, Anthony Hopkins, would you like some fava beans and Chianti to go with your human meat? Yes, we bet you do, you sick fuck. Come for Mr. Hopkins’ brilliant portrayal of evil but stay for Foster’s FBI showdown with a seriously deranged killer.

6. The Exorcist

The classic horror film is still a favorite of horror connoisseurs despite its really cheesy special effects (at least to us college kids). In this classic, the devil takes over a young girl’s soul, causing her to wreak havoc upon those closest to her (like peeing on the floor and crab-walking down the stairs backwards). The only thing that can save her? An exorcism by two priests, one who is losing his faith, the other a true believer. Come for the head-spinning demonic acts but stay for the traumatic ending that no one really likes to talk about.

5. Saw

more disturbing than scary, this film made us tingle with pain when we watched Cary Elwes make the movie’s title come to life. The worst part? Jigsaw (the villain) never actually kills the victims, he just forces them to choose between life (in serious amounts of pain) or death… that’s one fucked-up cancer patient. Come for the creepy voice messages and stay for the violent deaths. There’s plenty.

4. Psycho

We love this film. It may be slow in the beginning, but after the famous shower scene all hell breaks loose as Marion Crane’s sister and a detective try to figure out what happen at the Bates Motel. You’ll be checking around the shower curtain for years to come after seeing this Hitchcock classic. Come for the famous shower scene while looking out for Norman Bates’ crazy-ass mother.

3. Hocus Pocus

Ok, so this movie isn’t really scary… at all but it’s just such a fun movie! Disney’s film from the early nineties is hilarious, witty and has some (minor) spooky moments that make it worth your while, no matter how old you are. Come for The Sanderson Sisters’ kooky mannerisms and enjoy for their show-stopping rendition “I Put a Spell on You.”

2. The Shining

Jack Nicholson has always played cuckoo well, but in this stir-crazy induced mania, he takes it to a whole new level. When he takes his family to a mountain hotel during the winter to cure his writers block, everything seems fine. Fine that is, until the family starts seeing ghosts and Jack goes on a violent rampage. The son and mother don’t fare so well either in terms of mental stability. Come for the famous “Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!” line but be wary of the way Stanley Kubrick fucks around with your brain using the camera.

1. Paranormal Activity

What seems fake and completely implausible at first, becomes a horrifying reality when a young couple decides to videotape their bedroom at night trying to catch a glimpse of the supposed ghost haunting them. When Katie, who believes she has been haunted her whole life, is increasingly disturbed in the middle of the night, the couple begin to wonder: is this really a ghost? We couldn’t sleep for days. Come for: Micah’s hilarious attempts to speak with the unknown (“What is your quest? What is your favorite color?”) and snarky comments (“So you’d think a psychic would, uh, be on time. You know, like he could foretell if the traffic was going to be bad?”) but stay for the powdery footprints.

And there you have it, kids. These movies will torment, terrifying and in the rare moment make you laugh hysterically. Happy viewing!

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Waking up is the hardest thing to do (when you’re hung over)

Posted in After Hours, Humor, Information on 10/21/10 by .

Drinking excessively doesn't make for a good time the morning after. Waking up in the morning is usually the worst part of the day. Your vision is blurry and the thump-thump-thump of your pulse somehow becomes the never ending beat that stupid DJ wouldn’t stop playing last night… good morning, sunshine!

Life can be pretty rough sometimes when you are hung-over. Whether it’s a terrible headache or seeing last night’s dinner come back to haunt you, drinking excessively often leads to the horrible morning (or afternoon) after. Of course, there are ways to prevent this terrible event. You can abstain from drinking or at least moderate your intake and everything can be peachy. We, and more likely than not – you, classify this as “lame,” however and don’t believe that avoiding alcohol can do anything great for you… except save your liver (and money), allow you to achieve good grades and prevent yourself from acting like an idiot. But who’s really paying attention to that?

So how do you get rid of hangovers, exactly? In all honestly, there is no cure. Like herpes, hangovers are uncontrollable and unpreventable unless you’re wearing a helmet.

There are ways to make life a little easier, however, when all you want to do is take a hammer to your head and end the pain.

Water & Pills

Before you even go out the night before, fill a water bottle and stick it right next to your bed so you don’t even have to get out of the covers in the am to drink it. Leave two ibuprofen pills next to the water and take them as soon as you wake up. It will help relieve any aches or pains in the body. DO NOT USE TYLENOL! Acetaminophen can really damage your liver, and your body is still processing the alcohol in your system, meaning the pills will be metabolized in a different way than normal that is really dangerous. Ibuprofen, however, is fine.

Try to go back to sleep after drinking in some water and popping pills. You’ll likely be dehydrated for the rest of the day, making it difficult to function, but at least you’ll probably have slept through the worst.

Sleep Alone

If you wake up and find someone is in your bed… push them out. Hangovers require plenty of space and quiet time for recovery. Let this person (whose name you can’t remember) know you don’t care if the door hits them on the way out. It’s for the best, anyway. Odds are if you’re still feeling it the morning after, they probably weren’t very good. You see, sex makes you sweat (duh), which allows toxins to exit your body, meaning the amount of alcohol in your system won’t be so high. Therefore a lingering hangover suggests a weak night of passion. Drink plenty of water after doing the deed and your hangover will be slightly curbed for the morning.

Food

What about food you ask? This one is a bit tricky. Let’s defeat the most common myth, first, however. Eating food before you go to sleep does not soak up alcohol as many people believe. It’s better to eat once you wake up and eat things that are grease-free like crackers, eggs or fruit. Try to get in the FDA-suggested daily amount of vitamins so your body can recharge quicker than eating tons of fatty foods or carbs. These might make you feel better “thanks to the rush of feel-good neurotransmitters they help release in your brain,” Farah Averill of AskMen.com says, but can lead to some bad stomach problems later on in the day.

Advil & Cheerios

One man, a 23-year old teacher, gives advice that actually may be the most unnecessarily over-share we’ve heard in a while. “Nalgene of water. 4 Advil. A banana box of cheerios (stops the weird beer poop and makes you burp). Chain smoke,” the recent college graduate says bluntly. We’re not sure chain smoking will help, but the rest will. We apologize for the vivid language of his Cheerios reasoning but we all know it’s true – beer can be a bitch, sometimes. We don’t suggest smoking is good either, if you don’t know why click here. Burping will help get up any gas your body is holding in and may relieve some of the belly aches from eating all that bacon you’re going to eat despite it being a bad idea. Honestly, who can resist bacon when you’re hung-over? It’s like trying to take cake away from a fat kid.

While AskMen.com says don’t have a Mimosa or Bloody Mary to make the pain go away, we disagree. Bloody Mary’s might not be the best, but it will unclog your pores and allow you to sweat a bit out. Mimosas knock you out for another hour or so if you just close your eyes.

A nice way to alleviate a headache is to put a cool washcloth over your forehead and lie down. Put on some calming music and try to sleep some more.

Secret Sauce

Here’s a weird question: ever seen Cabaret? Probably not (le sigh, no one sees musicals anymore), but in it, the main character has a hangover cure that sounds absolutely disgusting yet is #7 on The Top 10 Legendary Hangover Cures list by AskMen. Called “Jeeves’ Secret Concoction,” mix 1 raw egg, 1/4 oz Worcestershire sauce and 1/4 oz Tobasco in a glass and swig it down in one swoop. The movie calls it a Prairie Oyster, but that’s wrong…those have vodka and ketchup in addition to the ingredients above. Think you can handle that? Yah, we couldn’t either, but apparently it really works. So for those who love a challenge…drink on!

Of course, in all reality…nothing can cure a hangover. When you’re sleeping you’re still detoxifying. Only time will give you the benefit of feeling healthy again, but who knows when that will be?

We hope you’re only hung-over on the weekends, but for times like spring break when you’re drunk all week, we hope you take some breaks. Enjoy the sun sober, drink some water and spend a day by the pool or sleeping. The potential sexual encounters will still be there when you wake up.

So, naïve college students, stop trying to fight a losing battle…give in to the hangover and use these cures that aren’t actually cures to make your mornings-after a little brighter and a little less painful.

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