Humor

A StudentCity Social Experiment

Posted in Humor on 4/27/12 by .

It all started with an ice cream cake, and ended with court side seats at the Celtics game.

Yesterday, three of us took a quick afternoon trip to the grocery store for some ice cream. Before we left, a fellow StudentCity employee, Pat, requested that we get him something good. At this point we were like, yeah whatever, screw you – get it yourself. Once we got to the store, our attitudes changed and we decided to get Pat an ice cream cake, complete with a personalized inscription, “To Pat, From IT.”

Upon bringing this cake back for Pat, he took a photo of it and uploaded it to Facebook. People around the office were wondering why we bought this cake for him, and we told them it was for no reason besides that we were bored and thought it would be funny – which was the case.

The Facebook world, however, immediately began wishing Pat a Happy Birthday – probably because he made the picture of the personalized cake his cover photo. Instead of negating these peoples’ well wishes, Pat decided to embrace them, which then gave us an idea…

How far could this small gesture be taken? We would soon find out.

Pat had recently moved in with a new roommate, who apparently doesn’t know when his birthday is. This said roommate also had court side seats to the Celtics game last night, but he was unfortunately taking some chick. Soon enough, good ole roomie noticed that it was Pat’s birthday…to which he responded with, “Hey man, it’s your birthday? I told that girl to take a hike ’cause I am taking my boy to the game for his bday.”

This was the best (and only) fake birthday that Pat has ever had, but talk about knowing who your real friends are – not knowing well enough that it is not your birthday.

At the end of the day, the simple idea to personalize a cake for Pat, got him multiple Happy Birthday wishes, court side tickets to the Celtics game, phone calls from his FAMILY wishing him a Happy Birthday, among whatever else he got himself into last night. He had an excellent interlude to his 30th birthday.

Have you guys ever pulled a stunt for the sole purpose of it being a social experiment, to see how far it can be reasonably (or unreasonably) taken?

Have we mentioned that Pat’s Facebook clearly states that his birthday is July 20th?

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Don’t let your SWAG get you arrested like this guy…

Posted in Humor on 4/10/12 by .

This home surveillance video shows a a teen who has just burglarized this house, busting a move before leaving the property.

According to Galveston, Texas Police Captain, Jeff Heyes, “The 16-year-old juvenile suspect is known for his ‘swag,’ or signature dance move, and (he) does it in the hallways at school.”

I guess this kid found out the hard way that there are times when showing off his signature swag is and is not appropriate…When robbing a home being an inappropriate instance. He might as well have left his ID or a business card on the front steps.

I can’t wait for him to plead not guilty and then for the prosecution team’s evidence to be a video montage comparing all of his dance moves to prove that this kid is the burglar. That will be an entertaining day in the courtroom.

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Top 3 reasons why you shouldn’t keep an alien in your fridge for two years…

Posted in Entertainment, Humor on 11/15/11 by .

I don’t care if this is or is not in fact an extra-terrestrial, there are so many reasons why you should not keep what you perceive to be an alien in your fridge for two years, or even a day for that matter.

1.  You don’t know that that shit is definitely dead.  It’s a God damn alien.  Maybe it can put itself into a comatose state just so that Marta Yegorovnam’s dumb ass will bring it into her home for it to then terrorize.  Sci-fi movie in the making right there.  Steven Spielberg, take notes.

2. WHEN said alien wakes up from his sneaky coma in your fridge, he is going to eat all your food.  Say goodbye to leftovers from Grandma’s house.  She made fresh manicotti and meatballs, but your pet alien doesn’t give a shit about you…he is going to devour all’a'dat. You can also say goodbye to that red velvet cake.  Everyone knows aliens have a mean sweet tooth.  We’ve all seen E.T.

3. After waking up from coma and eating Grandma’s manicotti and meatballs, the alien WILL kill your ass.  Besides the aliens in Spice World, and even they copped a feel of Ginger or Scary or one of them, have you ever heard of a pleasant encounter with extra terrestrials?  No.  They abduct, strangle, stab, bite, eat your food, and kill you.  That’s about the extent of an alien’s capabilities.

The only reason you should keep an alien in your home is if you are 2397% positive they are going to become your personal slave.  Gotta raise ‘em right.

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Michigan suspect found hiding in a pile of leaves

Posted in Humor, Technology on 11/10/11 by .

HASTINGS — A fleeing man briefly escaped police after an officer used a thermal imaging device to find him hiding in a leaf pile, but he later was caught and linked to a meth-making operation in a Hastings motel room.

A Hastings officer was responding to an alarm at a local restaurant on Friday when he witnessed a man with a backpack and dressed in dark clothing running from the area.

The officer lost the man, but used the thermal imaging device to find him in a pile of leaves in bushes. -Grand Rapids Press

Not only did this man hide in a pile of leaves, but he also then fled again by way of a river, and was later found scaling a wall near the motel where he was conducting a motel room meth lab.

This is an example of “Don’t get high off your own supply 101.”  You’d have to be tripping balls to think you wouldn’t be found hiding out in a pile of leaves.  Then again, maybe he is a genius, because he was then able to get away from the cops once again by adventuring through a river.

Sure, the cops have all these fancy “thermal imaging” devices to help find suspects hiding out in a pile of leaves, but at the end of the day how safe are we when they can’t pin the guy down right then and there?  Dude had enough time to run, swim, get comfortable and change out of his wet clothes back at the meth lab, and then attempt scaling a wall.

Get these cops out of Dunkin’ Donuts and thermal imaging device training and back to boot camp.

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Some people SUCK at Facebook

Posted in Humor on 11/4/11 by .

We all have that select group of people we are friends with on Facebook who seem to be really good at SUCKING at Facebook.  These people clog your newsfeed, notifications, and inbox with updates on just about anything and everything that is allowable on Facebook.

First there is the gamer.  He is constantly playing games and either providing updates on his newest high score in Family Feud, or inviting you to play Farmville with him.  If I wanted to play any of these games, I would do so on my own terms.  I don’t need your guidance and insistance on my participation.  Any desire I had to play Facebook games has now vanished because you’re annoying.  Similarly, the quiz taker needs to knock it off as well.  I don’t care which castmate of The Jersey Shore you are.

Next, there’s the friend who invites anyone and everyone to EVERYTHING!  We haven’t actually spoken in person since 2nd grade so I probably won’t be attending your tupperware party.  Up there in rankings is your friend who requests that you like every page possible.  Listen, I’ve got just as much Bieber Fever as the next girl, but I don’t need you to request that I like him on Facebook…I’m taking my Bieber Fever to the grave.

Close up there with the most annoying of Facebookers are those who share everything about their lives, and those who passive-aggressively attack others without mentioning any names or actual situations; the good old, “SOME people are so inconsiderate sometimes!  Just remember, bro, Karma’s a bitch, just make sure that bitch is beautiful.”

Perhaps above all of these, my favorite is the friend who insists that they post pictures of their unborn child all over their wall, and God forbid, their profile picture.  No one wants to see your fetus.

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Boston Earthquake Devastation Photos

Posted in Humor on 8/23/11 by .

Check out this photo of the devastation from the earthquake today here in Boston. Luckily everyone here at StudentCity HQ is alright. Did you feel the earthquake where you were?

A photo of today's earthquake devastation in Boston.

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5 People To Look Out For On The Road

Posted in Humor, Lifestyle on 5/23/11 by .

The following is a list of people you will commonly encounter just about every time you get behind the wheel. It includes details about what to look out for, as well as steps you can take to avoid potentially dangerous situations.

1. The kid who loved Fast and the Furious

Possibly the most dangerous idiot on the road, this Sean Walker wanna-be is all too easy to spot. He’ll be in a mid nineties Honda Civic with a coffee can for an exhaust pipe, under-glow lights and a fake, stick-on hood scoop. His seat will be so far back that you won’t even be able to see the guy that just raced you. You will, however, get a good look at his 18 inch rear spoiler that isn’t painted the same color as the car. (By the way, Paco, the purpose of a spoiler is to put pressure on the rear of a vehicle. For rear-wheel driven cars going 150 MPH it makes perfect sense. For your front-wheel driven Mazda going 50 MPH it makes the opposite of sense.) 2fast2furious guy has a few more glaring red flags as well. He’s the guy who puts a huge sub woofer in his trunk and only turns it way up so everyone can hear his trunk rattle when he’s in mini-golf parking lots or outside of bars. He also might have product stickers on his windshield. Like we’re supposed to believe Pennzoil and Mobil-1 were walking by your 1993 piece of shit Honda Civic in the Wal-Mart parking lot, Kelly-blue booked at $1,300 and said to themselves “find me the owner of this vehicle! I want it sponsored and I want it NOW!”

2. Asian woman driving a mini-van

Almost as dangerous as Fast and the Furious guy, but for entirely different reasons. Listen, I’m not trying to be racist or anything, but Asian women are hands down the worst drivers in the country. It’s really not even close. The only driver worse than an Asian woman is an old Asian woman. Timid beings, they usually cruise around at about half of the speed limit and will jam on their brakes suddenly and without warning. And if they want to change lanes…look out. They’re changing lanes. It doesn’t matter who or what is their way, nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going to stop Mrs. PF Chang from dropping off her daughter at violin practice. (Every young Asian girl plays the violin right?) If you see a big white mini-van and a tiny woman driving it, trying to see over the steering wheel, stay clear.

3. Angry white man in a pick-up truck

The exact opposite of Asian woman driving a mini-van, the Angry white man driving a pick-up is very aggressive and usually drives pretty fast. If you DARE to change lanes without signaling in his presence, or merge in front of him (gasp!) prepare to be tailgated and mean-mugged in your mirror for the next 20 miles. The Angry white man is usually a pretty good driver, so it’s not him you have to be worried about plowing through a mall entrance because he fell asleep at the wheel. Although it is him you have to be worried about getting out his car on his way home from his roofing job to fight you for something you didn’t even know you did. Dead giveaways are mud-flaps with silhouettes of girls on them, rear windows covered in a big confederate flag sticker, or any kind of “pro killing animals” memorabilia on the truck. If you see construction equipment or a dirt bike in the back of a pick-up, just drive normally and DON’T make eye-contact. You really want to avoid any and all interactions with this guy. Think of angry white men in trucks as the T-Rex’s of the road.

4. Mom driving a Denali to the grocery store

This one takes a bit of a trained eye to spot, but she has two major giveaways. One, she will undoubtedly be in a full body Ed-Hardy sweat-suit, complete with pulled-down hat and big sunglasses. Because lord knows you’ve got to look good for all the paparazzi waiting to see what type of bread you just bought at Stop & Shop. She’ll also be a terrible parker. I know you’ve seen it; the big black Escalade or Denali parked diagonally across the two best spaces in the grocery store parking lot. And it’s not because she’s worried someone is going to ding up her husbands car…parking is just hard for her. Mom’s in big cars usually have the driving skills somewhere between the Asian lady in the Mini-van and 2fast2furios guy. They aren’t going to plow through a crowd of people, but asking them to park inside of one space is like asking a dog to explain Einstein’s theory of relativity.

5. Old People

The most under-rated problem in America right now: Old people driving big Cadillac’s. When you see a big line of cars all following one car that has had its blinker on for the past two weeks, look out. The person driving is shockingly likely to forget what side the brake is on and plow into whatever poor souls are in their way. These are the types of people who drive 20 miles per hour on regular roads, but always manage to get up to about 50 ONLY when they’re careening through the front entrance of a Little Caesar’s Pizzeria. Call me crazy, but I think that if you are ever not 100 percent positive which side the gas pedal is on and which side the brake is on, your right to operate a motor vehicle should at least be in question. But hey I don’t want to tell you how to live your life. You better believe though…when I see the white-heads behind the wheel, I steer clear. Literally.

Well there you have it; you are now a more aware and safer driver for reading this. And if you were at all offended by any of it, that means you’re probably one of the people I have described and should never ever drive again. Keep in mind, this list is by no-means complete, so if you can think of anymore dangerous drivers let me know in the comment section. Maybe you’ll get featured in Part II.

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Episode 7: Sith Lord Charlie Sheen

Posted in Entertainment, Humor on 5/17/11 by .

Charlie SheenThe rise and fall of Charlie Sheen has been one of Darth Vader-esque proportions. A lot of people are sick of hearing about the guy made 2 million smackers every episode. They’re tired of hearing everyone say “Winning” and other ridiculous quips, that I actually find pretty hilarious.

Do you remember in the third (sixth) episode of Star Wars where we see Anakin Skywalker put the Darth Vader mask on for the first time? If you watch all six in order and I mean 1-6, that moment really defines a major shift in that character.

Well the same sort of thing happened with Charlie Sheen in 2003. He donned the Scary Movie mask and entered into the world of Two and a Half Men, fully adorned with the personality of a Sith Lord. Prior, Sheen was a respected movie star of Hot Shots and Being John Malkovich fame.  Boy, did Two and a Half Men change that. But there’s a reason why that show has been so extremely successful. It’s because the main character is (WAS) played by an actor that shares the same lifestyle as his character. Sheen didn’t even have to method act, even if he wanted to. Charming women into sleeping with him and being an alcoholic is just him. It’s a sad reality because he makes that show.

With the recent announcement that Ashton Kutcher will somehow replace him and be worked into the show, a lot of people are up in arms, including me. Hell no was my initial reaction. Yes, Michael Kelso was brilliantly acted but the guy Kutcher plays in Cheaper by the Dozen was not. Who knows, maybe it won’t be so bad. The impression I get is that he won’t actually be playing Charlie Harper, it’ll be a new character. I’m mostly excited to see how Jake and Alan will react to him, both in and out of the show.

Maybe Charlie Sheen is Ashton Kutcher’s father and MR. DEMI MOORE has sought out to destroy the man who decided to wreak havoc with a horrendous comedy tour. Little does Anakin Kutchwalker know Darth Sheen is his father and he kills him on the sandy beaches in front of his new Malibu home and takes off his mask, and Sheen finally gets to be free of his careless lifestyle.

Let’s be honest, there’s only two reactions Chuck Lorre (producer of 2.5 Men) could get once Kutcher takes his rightful (???) spot on the show! WINNING….or….DUMBASS!

-Josh Hall

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Top 5 Curious Creatures At the Gym

Posted in Humor, Lifestyle on 5/13/11 by .

With beach season fast approaching I’m sure many of you have been putting in some time at the gym. And if you’re new the workout world, you need to know what to look out for. No, this isn’t a workout plan or a supplement ad or a clean-eating guide. No, no, this is far more important. The following is a list of people that you WILL encounter at some point in gyms all across the country. It includes information on how to proceed should you find yourself face to face with one of these interesting specimen, and tells you which ones to avoid and which ones are harmless. And if you aren’t new to working-out, maybe you’ve had your own experiences with one of them that you’d like to share. Or, just maybe, YOU’RE ONE OF THEM!

The Old Man

The Old Man is very easy to identify and is something to be feared. If you dare to casually walk into the dressing room and encounter this beast, you will undoubtedly be greeted with an eyeful of white pubes and sagging balls playing high-five with knee caps. This guy is 71 and he struts around in his birthday suit like his clothes are on fire. He’ll shave naked, stretch naked, even enter conversations naked. Unless you’re curious what your balls are going to look like in about 80 years, I would advise you avoid this animal.

The Ex-athlete

This specimen is a bit harder to spot, but with a watchful eye you should be able to pick him out. Apparently protesting technology, he’ll be the only guy in the gym with a portable CD player and old school headphones. He might also have some sort of really old gym bag with him. He works out in shorts with his high school logo on them, a gross looking shirt that says something like “Lift Big to Get Big,” and will be walking with an exaggerated limp 100% of the time. His most noticeable and unique trait, however, is his propensity to stretch while grimacing in front of the mirror. This breed of gym goblins generally keeps to themselves, unless of course they happen to get in a conversation with their sons friends. Then its game over.

The Maniac

Also known as the Shadow-box-in-front-of-the-mirror-guy, The Maniac is an extremely rare breed. But just like a White Tiger, when you see The Maniac you’ll never forget it. Have you seen a guy working out with work-boots? Then you my friend have seen a Maniac. His terrifying, over-exaggerated grunts while lifting can be heard for miles and serve to warn people that a Manic is indeed present. Their behaviors are wild and erratic, but some have been spotted dancing in front of the mirror, loudly swearing at themselves, and shaking their head slowly at anyone younger than them. Avoid at all costs. If you happen to fall into “say a half-hearted hello when we see each other” relationship, immediately change gyms.

Gel-Haired Guy/Guy on his iPhone

Pretty self-explanatory. This is the kind of person who wears cowboy hats to parties and whose favorite band is Jack Johnson. He might even own an acoustic guitar but he can only play a couple chords. This effeminate creature can easily be tracked down by following the trail of cologne. He’ll usually either be walking on the treadmill while texting or checking out his hair in the mirror. A recent study has come to the conclusion that because of this animals lack of a social-life, he thinks that going to the gym is “going out” and dresses accordingly. Be wary of this creature: a harmless question of “are you using this machine” could be misconstrued as an offer of friendship. Stay away. (Title could also include Sunglasses Guy)

The Hot Chick

Every gym in America is home to at least one of these fascinating creatures. Short shorts, yoga pants, rolled up sweat pants…we love ‘em all. You can usually find The Hot Chick doing cardio or working out their lower body (to which we all stand and thank you for.) Approach this magnificent animal at will, but be cautious. A bad conversation or a turned down advance could mean months of awkward pass-bys and brutal mirror eye-contact.

While this guide should certainly help you in your gym travels, it is by no means a complete list. Do you know of any other whackos of the weightroom that need to be added? Or had any experiences with the ones I mentioned? Let us know in the comment section!

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A Valentine’s Day Guide For Singles

Posted in Humor on 2/11/11 by .

Pamper yourself on Valentine's Day if you're single. Valentine’s Day can be rough for single people living across the nation, especially when you’re in college.

Everywhere you look frat boys are wining and dining their sorority counterparts and that cute nerd couple always manages to rub their relationship in your face.

The worst is when you’re roommate asks you what the plan is for Valentine’s Day. For a moment, you think: hey, we’ll hate the cupid holiday together! But, no. He/she means are you spending it alone or with someone special? Enter their significant other and exit you crying… alone in the bathroom.

In case you’re not sure how to handle the pressures of being alone on Valentine’s Day, here are some helpful ways to ignore all that mushy love in the air.

A lot of the times, many people you may think are a couple actually just fool around frequently. They may not even have plans! Ask your friends what their plans are for the holiday and see if they want to hang out. There’s bound to be a few single people on campus! Enjoy a scary movie or watch something super cheesy like the Notebook.

Don’t go out to dinner! You will be surrounded by canoodling couples and lots and lots of champagne. Sure, that sounds like fun (the last part) but alcohol and loneliness often lead to tears. There will be no tears on Valentine’s Day! Unless you watch the film “Valentine’s Day,” but you’ll be crying from the horror of how AWFUL that movie is.

Of course, there are greater alternatives than just chilling with your friends.

Why not try Extreme Kidnapping? A service that provides the “most realistic, hardcore, movie-style kidnapping adventures allowable by law.” Have your action hero fantasy come true as you fight against the bad guys in this potentially silly or entirely terrifying role play offer.

The service was created to help threatened people survive a real kidnapping, but hey, even if you’re not threatened… learn self-defense with the assistance of “The Elite All Girls Kidnapping Team.”

Living in New York City can be difficult, especially when everyone is rushing around and no one has time to even say hello. Fear not! Say hello to your new friend, food! Take a tour with Famous Fat Dave. These eating experiences include a pickle tour, a pizza tour and several other options. For those who aren’t sure what they want, let Fat Dave just show you his favorite places to eat!

“Aside from knowing New York City’s streets like the back of his hand, [Fat Dave's] got a firm grip on the under belly of Manhattan,” says Anthony Bourdain of the “No Reservations” and “Top Chef.”

Chances are, however, that you’re not in New York City… just on a college campus. Look for special events like singles mixers and organized trips to clubs or whatnot. These are a great way to go out by yourself and meet others who may be looking for a relationship.

If there’s been a recent break up in your past, consider wallowing. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just spend a few hours thinking about how that person made you happy or sad or whatever. Just don’t do it completely alone…

“If you recently experienced a loss of a mate, take the time to grieve and remember this person,” advises the Apex Herald. “You don’t have to pretend it isn’t a hard day. Enjoy the support of others.”

Of course, there’s always the back up plan.

Just don’t forget to buy lots and lots of batteries… it’s going to be a loooooooong night. Plus its great practice for those marathon sessions during spring break (wink wink).

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